Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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