I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
