Im at strip club and am horny
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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