hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
