I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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