i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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