There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
