don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
