i already hear my dad disowning me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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