Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
