Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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