I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
