Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dear god my vagina.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
