shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
