My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
