Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
