I heard we made out
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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