if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
