is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
