remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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