I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
