yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
