there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
