the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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