a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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