You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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