wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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