Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
