You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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