i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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