Don't you send me to vm
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You are a genius and a whore.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
