No stitches, just platelets and will power
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize