Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
