There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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