I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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