I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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