Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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