I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
