Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
