Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
