So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
