i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
