he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
