What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize