guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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