walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
