oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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