Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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