I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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