I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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