i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
