Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As shirtless as possible
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize