is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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