I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
