guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think i got beer on your cat.
God, I missed his penis.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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