her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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