as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
