I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
