Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
