Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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