At least make sure they are 18
Why
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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