remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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