she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found your dick twin last night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
