the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
