Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
