so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
