i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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