I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
