Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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