i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize