**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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