Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
