so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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