nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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