No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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