you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
