I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was born a porn star she said
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
