its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
