So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
